Monte Mills recently had the chance to sit down with Santa Claus for an interview.

Monte: It’s such an honor to talk with you, Mister Claus. I have so many questions, but I’ll limit myself to just a few.

Claus: Please, call me Claus. Before your questions, I have an important one for you. Have you been a good boy this year?

Monte: Probably, but I’m not certain. What do you mean by that?

Claus: I can’t impose my own standard of goodness on you. It’s something you must decide on your own. Have you been good, living up to your standards?

Monte: Alright, I’d say yes, I’ve been good. But do you really know when I’ve been sleeping. Do you really know when I’m awake?

Claus: I’m known as Saint Nicholas. So I possess a saint’s extraordinary vision. I see the world as it is.

Monte: Amazing. Are you essentially a demigod then? How did you not get called for a big role in the Avengers movies?

Claus: Don’t get me started on that. Sure, I’ve been in some decent films before. But Marvel money? I’ve never reached those heights. It’s probably because I don’t have Thor’s physique. And I’m not saying I’d just leap for the money, even if they called. I think some artistic, creative differences likely would have arisen.

Monte: Still. Are things going well for you?

Claus: Ho, ho, ho. Yes, things are going very, very well. I eat what I want, when I want. Never have to lose weight for a performance. And I never really sought the biggest roles. I’m just following in the footsteps.  Truth be told, I think I’m a minor character. I play a small role.

Monte: Yet you play this role every year. Your longevity is impressive. How do you do it? How do you keep everything fresh?

Claus: I’ll let you in on a little secret. I can’t just walk out there in the darkness and force myself into the Christmas spirit. I’ve developed a routine over the years. Early in the season, I go buy something just for myself. A nice item. A little too expensive. Something that costs some money. Then I feel more Christmassy. This year I bought myself four monogrammed Baccarat crystal coupes. Now it feels like the most wonderful time of the year again.

Monte: Fascinating. You’re big. How do you deal with the rumors that you’re fake?

Claus: I think I’m as real as any hero, whether you’re talking Iron Man or Sully Sullenberger. I see myself as a genuine character helping to promote the spirit of the season. The Christmas spirit can manifest at any time, but it can’t exist every single day. People can’t handle that much intensity all year round. About three, maybe four, weeks is ideal. If you allow yourself to be present, you’ll feel it around you. It’s here right now.

Monte: Being present. What a gift. I appreciate your time, Claus.

Claus: My pleasure. Don’t mention it.